Office Quotes...

Sam: I almost cut myself on a cracker.
---30 minutes later--
Lauren: How do you cut yourself with a cracker? I just don't understand.

Sam: Look at us trying to cheat the system.
Boss: Hey, the system cheats all of us.

Sam: I have this internal battle between wanting to spend more time with Thomas and wanting to make money.
Lauren: Well you can spend all eternity with Thomas and you never know how long you can make money.

Sam: I'm going to go blind because of the computer and get cancer because of my phone. Technology is ruining my body!

Boss: I hate it when people put recipes on facebook.
Me: Why?
Boss: Because that belongs on pinterest. I hate it when people do that.

Lauren: I haven't eaten since 5:30.
Boss: Well that's not very intelligent. Why are you doing that to yourself? We have snacks.
Lauren: Okay. Why do we have cheese crackers with peanut butter? That doesn't even make sense.

Sam: Italian food is noodles, cheese, and sauce. Mexican food is rice, tortillas, cheese, and meat.
Lauren: What's American food?
Sam: American food has variety.

Boss: It has meth in it.
Sam: We don't support that behavior here.
Boss: You would like it too. It's good stuff.
Lauren: I have pills.
Boss: What kind?