Thomas: I wasn't aware of anything that you were doing this morning until you said that you were leaving and then I thought, 'But I love you. You can't leave me!'
Me: I was just telling you that I was leaving and that I would be back later.
Me: I don't think that wheat grows that tall.
Thomas: I've seen movies. I know things.
Thomas: You have lost a few pounds. Your face is more acorn shaped.
Me: As opposed to chipmunk shaped?
Thomas: (thinks about it for awhile) "Well, yeah, I guess so."
Thomas likes to get a reaction out of cashiers. He says that he feels like it's his duty to make their mundane job a little more interesting. This happened in Target the other day:
Thomas: I'm not paying for your stuff.
Me: Your card is easier to get to than mine.
Thomas: You were already halfway to yours.
(Cashier looks slightly concerned/confused)
Me: I'll use it to buy my stuff. It's my card.
(Cashier looks even more concerned)
Thomas: WELL IT'S MY MONEY!
(Imagine a middle-aged, brunette, Target employee with this face)
Me (to the cashier): It's okay. We've talked about this before. We will be fine.
Then we walked out of the store while the cashier had this look on her face:
Thomas told me to totally disregard anything that he says while we are in line at a checkout stand.


























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